Explain
by mentalguru
Summary: All he wants to do is to understand as well as explain what happened to them that day. One-shot.


_**Title:**__ Explain._

_**Summary:**__ All he wants to do is to understand as well as explain what happened to them that day._

Don't mind me, I'm just a fan of Sulley who hates that he illegally banished another monster. This is completely unrelated to Connections. Here Sulley knows where Randall was thrown and 'catches on' alot faster for one thing..

His hands gripped the edges of the letter tightly as he continued to read it. Anger, sorrow but most of all confusion flittered and flashed at different points in his mind.

He had to read it several times before the words truly sunk in.

At first he'd tossed it into the waste basket when he first at the signature at the bottom.

The male nurse had fished it out and put it back on the side table while he'd been asleep.

Now in the middle of the night, with the small side lamp continuing to glare down at the paper he decided to read it again. As if doing so would change the words somehow.

Now he was even more confused then he had been earlier. Before, as he had sat in his hospital bed and private room, it had been easy for him to think what he should do. It was easy for him to believe it what it was he _had _to do. After everything he'd gone through, he was entitled to rage, he was entitled to shout, he was entitled to bring _his_ world down and to hell with the consequences.

But things are never simple, and rarely black and white.

The parent who wishes to harm the one who hurt or almost hurt their kid because nothing else but the child matters.

The worker who gambles his soul for he feels he has nothing else to place on the table.

Really they're not so different.

We sometimes sympathise, but we sometimes hate the people who remind us of ourselves. They're the mirrors who show all our scars and flaws for what they really are.

_**Randall.**_

_I don't know if you'll read this. To be honest a part of me doesn't know __**why**__ I'm even writing this._

_Actually that's a lie. It's in case I'm not able to explain it to you even if I can see you. In case you don't __**let**__ me see you. _

_For all I know you've already read the name at the bottom and have already torn it up, thrown it away or burned it and I won't blame you. I won't be surprised if when you are awake and if you actually __**let**__ me see you, that you'll throw a chair or something at me._

_If anything I'll mostly just be pleased you're actually able to have the strength to do that. And no, that's not really a joke, I hate seeing you like this._

_But in case you are reading this, I'll keep on writing anyway. _

_You've been asleep for weeks now though. I'm beginning to wonder if you'll ever wake up. But I guess I might as well tell you some things in case you get to or try to read this._

_Waternoose is in jail. Perhaps you've been told that, perhaps you haven't, but I just thought you should know. And screams are no longer used as an energy source, but laughter is._

_I know, it sounds strange and even a bit weird but apparently, laughter is ten times more powerful then screams. _

_I was made CEO. I know. You hate that don't you? But I'd rather you know now then find out later. I think it was the CDA mostly who pulled the strings. Though I can't really figure out why. _

_That's another thing, the public doesn't know what happened to you Randall, not really, but the CDA do. _

_I'm leaving the decision up to you what you'll do with this knowledge Randall. Mike won't be happy, but there's nothing I can do about that. He doesn't even know I brought you here. But I __**had**__ to. We wronged you. I shouldn't have taken the law into my own hands like that. I should have found another way instead of taking my revenge out on you._

_But I just want you to understand why all the same. _

_Perhaps you already know this, from spending time in their world, or perhaps you don't. But humans? They're just like __**us.**_

_I mean they're people, not just animals. _

_You probably didn't know at the time. Which makes this whole thing I did even worse. It took Mike a long time to warm up to the idea even. But they __**are**__ people._

_I couldn't let you harm Boo, that's the girl the one you tried to…_

_Well her real name is Mary. Perhaps you already know that. But- I don't know, just the sight of her in that chair with that thing and __**you**__ and __**Waternoose-**_

_I can't defend what I did but I just want you to understand. I don't think I did it because you even tried to kill me Randall but-_

_Have you ever had that one thing in your life that seemed more important than anything? That you cared about so much that even __**thinking **__about it being taken away from you made you just feel… empty? And that that emptiness was eventually filled by something else- like sadness or even anger?_

_I'd already lost a father, I couldn't stand losing a kid too. Not like that anyway, with someone literally ripping her away from me. _

_I don't know. I can't explain myself very well. I was never that much of a writer. And this letter feels all over the place. No offence, but you breathe so softly that I feel like I have to check none of the machines are broken and you're still actually alive. The beeping doesn't comfort me at all._

_Mike doesn't know, like I said. I think he thinks I have some sick relative here. You have a nice room by the way. It better be since I'm paying for it._

_What am I __**doing**__? Sorry, when I'm nervous I go all over the place, or repeat myself a lot, even when writing. But if I do this at any other time, I might think better of letting you see this. I've told the nurse, Hodgkin's, not to let me take it away under any circumstances, not even for spelling, or you know, just sounding stupid. In case I chicken out. Because you have to know the truth._

_I won't lie. For a time, I didn't feel sorry. Or at least I thought I didn't. It's hard to explain really._

_For some time, I though I just felt bad because I missed well, __**her**__. I've never had kids of my own and I don't know if it's exactly the same, but it's like- I don't know how to explain it._

_And I did miss her._

_But still, even after meeting her again, something was wrong. I just didn't know what it was._

_Then it finally came to me. Not like a flash but eventually and gradually. It was you._

_I always knew doing what I did was illegal, but morally, I hadn't really though deep down what I'd done as wrong at all._

_But it was, and I couldn't deal with it. I had to bring you back. Bringing you back was actually more of a selfish thing I did Randall then anything good or noble, I did it to make me feel better, but I still don't. How can I? When you're like __**this**__? Barely surviving from day to day every time I visit you? It's been a few weeks now and it's always the same answer- you're stable but there's no improvement. This is one of the best hospitals and they say you're a fighter so hopefully you'll make it. But I don't know._

_If you do die, I'm going to go public with it. But in case you do wake up, I'm leaving it up to you to decide what to do. My fate will be in your hands._

_I understand if you can't forgive me Randall, but I think I can forgive you. Actually I already have, even if I don't completely understand why you did it, or how you ended up working for Waternoose like that. Perhaps you'll be able to tell me the whole story, or at least choose to tell me someday if you do wake up. I hope so anyway._

_I just hope that, no matter what happens, you find the peace you're so desperately searching for._

_**James P. Sullivan**__. _


End file.
